Hi and welcome to my blog: Sex and the Fifties
Sound like a play on words? Like Sex and the City? That’s intentional.
While I am no Carrie Bradshaw, I did cut my thirties teeth with her and her beautiful bunch. While we don’t get to find out what life is like for the girls in their 50’s, I am here to speak for my tribe and discover this new terrain unlike any other stage of our sexually active lives.
Join me as I share a new topic each week aimed not only at women our age but also some clues for their partners. The feminine mystique is alive and well at this ¾ life juncture and we have something to say!
The don’t turn me on turn on
None of us are strangers to the balancing act of life and love. It’s a constant since we left girlhood and became serious about making our way in life. It begins with the challenge of nurturing a relationship while building a career and peaks when we are faced with the ultimate juggling act of motherhood, work and marriage.
But what about the empty nester, the woman enjoying success in her career, the wife who has created a life outside of marriage and motherhood or the widow or divorcee who has found love again at this tender age? I have experienced all of these roles in the past decade. More importantly, so have my friends from whom I will seek input most weeks for this series.
This week’s poll: what should your partner expect in regards to sex in your fifties that may be different than other phases of your life?
The overwhelming proclamation:
For my partner to be sensitive about when I do and don’t want to have sex.
Hey guys, you may not realize how sexy you are when you don’t initiate sex.
My friend Ann who’s been married for 30 years says, “I love that my husband can read me and know when and when not to seduce me. Like-wise with our new freedom, now that our kids are out of the house, I don’t have to adhere to a schedule and can be sexy and playful whenever I choose.”
“But,” says Ann, “I hate it when we don’t connect and he puts his needs ahead of mine.”
Here’s a clue for you guys… if we don’t want it we don’t want it. Period. If we do it when we don’t want to, it will eventually create resentment and when it comes to sex, that’s dangerous territory.
Since time began, women have been the gatekeepers of sex. We decide when we are ready to be sexually active and after that we learn the hard lesson of how to tame the beast. Most women would agree that men would have sex just about any time of the day; studies show they think about it 100 times more a day than women. Therefore, we naturally fall into the difficult role of decision maker, not an easy task.
The best assistance we can find is a partner who, not only understands the differences in our sexual appetite, but knows how to use it to our advantage.
“We can literally get turned on by a man who knows when not to turn us on,” says my friend Jane. “We hear a lot about women (and men) losing their sex drive at this age,” says Jane, “but I think it’s more of a question of how and when. When it’s right, it’s so very right and the issue of age disappears.”
My lover and I were engaging in some early morning pre-work sex, said my friend Claire, and he said “ I could do this all day.” I said, “you have exactly five more minutes.” I thought I was being funny but he looked annoyed and then I became annoyed. “I just think we need to set the ground rules…a quickie is a quickie.”
“I love to have slow, intense Sunday sex,” says another friend, “but my weekdays are for focusing, if I can’t focus on making love, it’s not going to go well.”
So, partners of the male persuasion beware – we are counting on you to read us. The rewards of such intuition can be enormous. There’s just nothing sexier than knowing when not to be sexy.